I've been suffering from migraine for a long time now. It started, I remember it clearly, when I spent months of anguish 16 years ago. That was when I found myself 'carrying a life on my hands' and facing the 'problem' alone. Some say, the exact cause of migraine is unknown, others believe that it's a neurological disease and my grandmother said it's hereditary. I don't know, for me, it's caused by psychological factors. Because I know, this famous event in my life that made me stressed and depressed to the nth degree, provoked this
megrim, the mother of all headaches.
Being born and brought up in a family that highly favors values and traditional views, with very strict and conservative parents,
my getting pregnant out of wedlock was a 'disgrace'. It was like the end of the world not only for me but also for everyone and I was sort of 'mentally tortured' because of this. I felt so down and helpless at the time. I'm ashamed to admit that I even thought of terminating my pregnancy. But I thought better of it and considered an innocent's feelings -- the pain I would be putting him through. And I didn't know if I would be able to get over the guilt of having it. So I decided not to have one, after all it was all my fault and not his. For months, I couldn't function properly at work, all I could do was cry. I couldn't stop thinking, "What does the future hold for me and my son?", "What lies ahead?", "Will someone just wake me up from this nightmare?". Every night I would fervidly pray, and would silently cry myself to sleep.
And as though my brain was 'drained'.
Ever since, every so often, I get migraines. Now I always find myself locked up in our bedroom with blinds closed, in total darkness, so as to appease the pain or until it runs its course: having no choice but to spend most of the day in a dark room feeling awful. I hate the fact that I couldn't do anything, couldn't go out, nothing. When it attacks, it's usually very strong, I could hardly move and it's not a nice feeling when my vision goes blurry. Due to excruciating pain, I could become nauseated and eventually throw up -- which sometimes seemed to be a relief because soon afterwards I would fall asleep and when I wake up, the pain would be less. But it could be sometimes worse because each time I do it, the throbbing pain intensifies to the point as though my head will explode.
There are a lot of things this killjoy
Big Mama headache prevents me from doing. Yesterday was supposed to be my third motorcycle driving lesson but I had to cancel it at the last minute. One of my Driving School rules: if one is unable to make it to his/her driving appointment, cancellation should be done 24 hours in advance. But since I did it at the last minute, I'm obliged to pay for it.
Et voilà!, that's 80 Euros, out the window! Then last weekend, GGiant's ultra gorgeous aunt celebrated her 40th birthday, but unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to party. I had
la maudite migraine that day and had to take painkillers. Not just because these medicines have an effect on reaction time or level of awareness that makes me unfit to drive, it's the noise: it's inevitable. The cacophony of children's and adults' voices, music, etc., would only aggravate the pain. So I just decided to stay home and just sent her (
Géant Vert's aunt) my b-day message thru a poem (posted below, w/ her permission of course) that I wrote for her days before her birthday. But I'm sorry my non-French speaking friends, it's in
French!
I've been getting between two to four migraine attacks per month and I am already tired of it. And as I write this, I could feel the throbbing pain that slowly starts on the left side of my head. And I know this will again hang around for a day or so. Believe me, you have to be a migraine sufferer like me to understand how it feels.
******
Joyeux Anniversaire!La vie a des collines et des vallées,beaucoup de montagnes pour les monter,parfois c'est simple pour trouver la voie,mais souvent c'est dure quand on perd la foi.Mais tu es une personne si merveilleuse,une maman attentionnée et une epouse affectueuse,que tu a relevé plusieurs défis dans ta vie,une belle maison, une carrière réussi.Tu es une véritable et une vrai confidante,toujours à l'écoute, t'es une personne aimante,nous savons tous que nous pouvons compter sur toi,tu es comme un chêne, la bonne qualité, quoi!Quelquefois tu te trouve dans les nuages,mais t'inquiete pas, rien de grave, c'est l'age,attention! un esprit absent, une poêle et une casserole,se dirigent souvent vers un steak séché et un fourneau qui colle!Et maintenant, tes quarante années sont là,qui est environ, laisse moi calculer... 14,600 jours,mais t'as pas encore fini de grandir, hein?t'en veux encore, ça te dit un petit tour?Las années ont passées, toujours mince et belle,entre toi et Barbie, la difference, c'est laquelle?tu ménes une vie heureuse, harmonieuse et sereine,avec l'homme de ta vie, Patrick ton Ken.Nous te souhaitons le meilleur et la joie,sache que nous t'aimons et pensons à toi,c'est ce que ces lignes annuyeuses veulent te dire,et nous te souhaitons encore au moins 60 années à venir.Bon! ce poême est presque terminé,on esperant quand même que tu l'as aimé,pour toi, l'epouse, la maman, la tante, la soeur...un très joyeux et inoubliable anniversaire!
We (Cléms and I) went to the supermarket this morning to buy candies, and since tomorrow's a holiday and stores will be closed, the supermarket was jampacked I could hardly move my shopping trolley (well I guess Cléms' weight has got something to do with it too, hehe). We took at least eight packs of candies and rushed to the 1-to-10-items-only cashier and found out that we were the fourteenth in the queue! Yes, I did count. Bordel! As though it's Christmas eve people buying foods and gifts at the last minute. 
We (Cléms and I) went to the supermarket this morning to buy candies, and since tomorrow's a holiday and stores will be closed, the supermarket was jampacked I could hardly move my shopping trolley (well I guess Cléms' weight has got something to do with it too, hehe). We took at least eight packs of candies and rushed to the 1-to-10-items-only cashier and found out that we were the fourteenth in the queue! Yes, I did count. Bordel! As though it's Christmas eve people buying foods and gifts at the last minute. 
